A Bond Beyond Years – Part 2
The story of mom son incest is continued.
“No matter what, I wouldn’t jerk off my own son!”
She was quiet.
“No matter what, I wouldn’t strip down and have my son suck at my naked breasts while I shag him like I am his girlfriend. You are his mother! How could you do something so vile?! You are disgusting!”
“You can’t even control yourself with your own son! You should feel ashamed of yourself!”
I was panting by the time I was done. It felt good getting all the anger out. But now, my mind was back to its senses, and regret took hold. The sudden realization of my harshness hit me.
She was quiet. It felt like years before she spoke again. “I don’t deny what I did. But you don’t even want to hear me out?”
“What are you going to say? That you felt deprived? That you weren’t being fucked enough by your husband? That you were in a vulnerable spot? Nothing you say can make it right, Sneha!”
I was teeming with curiosity and anger at the same time. I wanted to know why. But I wasn’t going to let her off the hook that easy.
“How would you know! Huh? How the hell would you know!? Ever since you were a teenager, you went from one toxic relationship to another. Always falling for the wrong guy.”
“And, your excuse for fucking some worthless piece of trash was that another worthless piece of trash made you feel like crap! If depravity justified your actions, why shouldn’t it justify mine?” Her voice is furious.
I was silent. My eyes were hazy with tears. I did not know why I was feeling so emotional. Is it because of what she said or what she did? I could not understand why I felt so betrayed.
She spoke again in a calm voice. “I am sorry, Shilu! That was very bad of me. I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said.” There was regret in her voice, and I knew my sister enough to know she wasn’t pretending.
Tears rolled out my eyes. And, they flowed in a steady stream. “I am sorry too, Sneha. I shouldn’t have said what I said earlier. But I did not know what to do. I just saw you in an intimate moment with Aman! Your own son!” I was sobbing now.
“I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but I know it’s something no one would accept. I thought you knew that. I felt like….” No more words came out. There were only tears, and I cried without shame.
“You felt betrayed,” she said calmly. But I could hear small crackles in her voice. I knew she, too, was tearing up. She just wasn’t balling out like me.
“We have had a hard life full of hurt and pain. I can understand how this must have made you feel. That’s why I want you to know I am not betraying you. I want to help you make sense of it so you won’t feel that way.”
I wiped away my tears. “To be honest, I think I already know why you did it. I felt like this would happen at some point.” I let the truth out.
“What do you mean?” Sneha asked. It was her turn to be curious.
“Well, when Aman was young, you used to kiss him on his lips. At first, it wasn’t awkward. It was something any mother might do with her child. But as he got older, you still gave him small pecks on his lips. I thought you would stop with time.”
“Then, one day, he came and kissed you on your lips, and you did not say anything! After that, I saw him do that many times. And, they weren’t little pecks. He outright smooched you hard, and you even kissed back. You still looked at him like a little boy ignoring every sign that he had grown up.”
I stopped and wanted to hear what she thought before saying anything else. Sneha took a moment to respond. She was maybe contemplating what to say after hearing me.
“You are right. I was lenient with him. I love him so much. I let him kiss me like that even when he got older because I always wanted him to know I will never stop loving him.”
“It wasn’t just the kisses.”
Sneha was quiet. I kept going. I had to get it out.
“There were times when he would hug you. He would put his face on your tits and press them with his hands. Again, it was okay when he was a little boy. But then he kept doing it even after he got older. Even when he became a teen, he would sit next to you and slowly squeeze your boobs. And, you never stopped him.”
Sneha heard everything I had to say. “Hmm. Yes, I even remember you telling me I am letting him do whatever he wants.”
“Yes! I asked you, more than once actually, to give him boundaries. Then, I think he stopped doing it in front of others. He would still do it when I was there. That’s when I felt like it wouldn’t stop. He would seek comfort from you in such physically intimate ways, and you would never say no to him.”
“Then, why didn’t you say anything back then?” Sneha asked, perplexed.
“I thought it was my perverted mind that was making too big of a deal out of nothing. Somehow, I pretended like I did not see it. I chose to play dumb. But I half expected it would just stay like that, you know, with kisses and fondling and that sort of thing. I never thought it would go beyond it. What happened?”
Sneha took a deep breath. She must have been preparing herself for this moment for some time.
“He had a bad day, and he came home and threw a fit. Mahesh was out on one of his work trips. It was just him and I. I tried to calm him down, but nothing worked. I sat down next to him and held him close, letting him feel my breasts. Then, he slowly started sucking them over my blouse.”
My eyes became wide hearing what she was telling me. She continued.
“I knew what he wanted. His eyes said everything. I knew he wasn’t a little boy anymore. But he was still upset, and I couldn’t bear it. I wanted him to feel better. So, I unhooked my blouse, letting my breasts out. I popped my nipple into his mouth. He suckled at it, and it was like magic! He calmed down as nothing happened.”
I listened to her in awe. I honestly did not know what to think of it. In a way, it made sense. But I did not know if it was right.
And it made me so horny. I could not push away the sight of my grown-up nephew sucking on my sister’s big, beautiful boobs. The fire inside me was growing. I could feel my body tingling again. I looked down and saw my nipples were hard, poking through my top.
I desperately wanted to touch them. To play with them and pinch them. My body craved it badly, and it took everything in me to hold myself back. I could feel the familiar warmth and wetness grow in between my legs. I bit my lower lip hard. I crossed my thighs tightly together, trying to control myself.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. I wondered how it would feel having my nephew’s mouth on my breasts. I imagined his wet mouth cupping over my nipples, sucking them, biting them, chewing them. His tongue licking them. It made me crazy!
I don’t know what got into me! My mind was filled with all sorts of dirty thoughts. I used all my might and brushed them away. I couldn’t give in like this. I need to be the voice of reason. “But is that how a mother is supposed to show love to her son?” It was a question more to me than to my sister.
Sneha took a moment to answer. “I don’t know if it’s right or wrong. I don’t care what those other self-righteous, over-sensitive mothers think. I will do everything I can to take care of my baby. I don’t expect anyone else to understand, and I couldn’t care less. But I want you to understand, Shilu.” The emotion in her voice was obvious.
“Believe me, Sneha, I really am trying to understand. It’s just a little hard when you don’t see mothers behaving like that with their sons.”
“What else do you want me to say? That I have to be more focused on boundaries than catering to my son’s needs? That I need to behave as society dictates and be strict when I should love unconditionally?”
I realized the burden she bore. “I am just wondering if it’s just love? A few times, it seemed you felt obligated to make him happy. I am wondering if there is anything more.”
Sneha did not say anything.
I tried to console her. “I don’t want you to think that I am judging you. Because I am not. If I am to understand this, if we are both to understand this, then we have to be honest about it.”
She took a few moments and finally spoke. “You’re right, Shilu. I think there is another emotion. Guilt.”
“Guilt? I wasn’t expecting that. Guilt from what?”
To be continued.